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I Want Mine Well Done



6 November 2024

Shubhrangshu Roy

"I want mine well done," I told the bartender at The Exchange, right next door to the State Department, bang opposite The Treasury, barely a block's walk from the White House.
I had descended on G Street from my north of DC suburb the day after the Ballot. It was a quiet day and the streets empty. Offices in the CBD had asked their staff to take the day off... just in case... November 6 turned out to be January 6 redux. Now, there was no one around, other than the beat cop, minutes before Ka-ma-laa was to blow her goodbye kiss to the Howard GeNex, a couple of miles away.
I asked for a lamb burger, before darting my big question: "Which way did you choose, what's cooking?
"Your is yours, my mine. And my ballot's a secret," said the bartender.
'I want mine well-done," I said, not sure if the lamb, rare-medium, with a patch of red flesh in the middle, would taste as good as half-cooked beef in my bun.
Tom, the 'tender, was shying from revealing his card, a good 12 hours after the America's loudest Trumpeting win in years.
For far too long the all-White American has shied away from admitting that his vote really was where his heart really is: Ballot-24 was meant for Trump and trump alone. And there's nothing remotely wrong with that.
For the best of Biden's first three years, Harris had been an unseen, unheard write-off before the exuberance of expectation suddenly changed course in her 100-day daring dash for office. Oval Office!
The Whites always knew exactly who was coming. But they just left it at that, just that. Much the same way that most Hindus back home in India hate to be called a Sanghi, but end up voting for Modi's BJP nevertheless.
So, why did White votes turn Red?
American media, weighed down by heavy ideological anchor, is yet to lift the veil on its agony well after the ballots have been counted, digging right for wrong, wrong for right, instead.
Did the 'respected' Ed at WaPo resign in haste days before the ballot, taking with him, some say, up to a quarter million cancelled subscriptions? Because the publisher refused to endorse a candidate in the "iffy" imaginations of the world's "free" media. Well, on hindsight, Baron Bezos seems to have known his bet, while his scribes got busy rolling the dice unmindful of the turns.

Whattagamble!

And they say the weathercock is a strange animal!
But then, DC doesn't surprise. It is visibly woke. And you can hardly expect an honest answer in a city where everyone pretends to be an influencer in the national power play round the clock.
So, who do you turn to, when nobody's got a clue?
I bet on Tom the 'tender.
"Open up, Tom," I nudged him, asking for a coffee, all Black, as I waited for my burger at his watering hole, where the House-crowd and State-types gather for workday gossip.
"If you don't know, who else will?"
"Why me?" Tom looked suspicious, as he pushed a mug at me.
"Americano?" I asked.
"Americano!" he replied.
"Because the best know-alls in town are the bartender, the barber, and the prostitute round the corner. Everybody goes to them," I said, mustering a deceptively serious demeanour.
I had first gone on election trek as a rookie in the Himalayas way back in 1989, when blue-blooded Rajiv Gandhi was trounced by a coalition of Right and Left under a feudal upstart who redefined India's caste-calculated vote bank politics that has consistently returned marginalised people to Parliament in Delhi eversince. And I last anchored the 2014 polls for my paper as Editor when a Hindu caste underdog came to occupy the country's high seat in rage. And I, devoid of ideological moorings, knew who to turn to for mood, no matter what the pollster predicted.
'I know you know," I pushed Tom.
"You know I pushed Trump," Tom said without blinking.
"What got you?" I asked.
"I don't count."
"How can you make yourself invisible?" I retorted.
"The invisible count."
"The invisible control America. America controls the world. That's how the invisible control the world. The invisible know. The invisible decide. You and I just go out and vote."
There was no stopping Tom.
"The Illuminati?" I raised my voice. Excited. Mouth agape.
"Big business runs America. And it's not Elon Musk. We vote." Thus spake Tom.

I turned to the Man in Black at the near corner of the bar table. Perplexed!
Was he a cop? The fourth person about town, other than the bartender, the barber, and the hooker who should know.
"This was a vote for returning America to its good old values. Everything about the past was not good. But this is as good at it gets," said the man in black.
The scent of well-done glazed meat wafted into my nose.
"This looks like kebob served on naan bread, well-dressed," I looked askance at Tom, taking a swig of my coffee.
Tom laughed aloud.
"This is Burger."
This is a good as it gets!

ps: Tom wasn't Tom to protect his privacy.

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